does it ever occur that sometimes the happiest looking people around us or the seemingly happiest person around the block can be the saddest person that existed in your life? It could be the person next to you or the dude/babe next door. It's scary how people pretend to be happy and a double-faced. It's so hypocrtical. Why are people so afraid to show their sadness or admit that no one is fully perfect and happy. why pretend when deep down we all know that we have a certain amount of pain, grief or form of sadness that resides in our soul or hearts?

We can pretend and try to always put on a front, and I do know who's pretending and who's not. Ask God for discernment and you'll understand. Honestly, I don't think that people that pretend to be happy and try to own a smooth-sailing life can really live life or go on like that in personal denial forever. Tell me I'm lying, I just don't wana say what everyone's itching ears want to hear because I speak reality and facts not just the nice things.

Admitting is the first step if you wana break out of being a hypocrete to yourself, and to others About who you really are. If you don't even want to admit. Then forget about moving on.

I've always given in to everything, its not that I don't want too now, It's just that I don't wana bother.

So bye.

2 days ago I was at holland with my mates stuffing myself with lagsana and a huge mug of love potion #33 which I will never ever attempt ever, again. As I walked out to the bus stop to head home, rebecca poped up surprizingly at frolicks and guess what? she gave me a free cup A au natural yoghurt with rainbow flakes drizzled on top. My all time favourite. I was so stuffed and I felt so blessed. Also, I have this complimentary starbucks 12oz drink which I've used to get myself a cheery mocca frappe the next day. See how God really provides for me materially? Even for clothes and nicknacks I don't really worry or care as much but God just provides and gives me generously. It's awesome. All I have to do is sit back relax and let him to the rest.

I'll be here still just anticipating for more from God. even though it's day 39 of purpose driven life. The book's reached it's final chapter and pages will not turn anymore. But I have a whole journey more with God. That will never stop.

Another important note, I wasn't being an emofungue in my previous posts yeah? Really, I think its the way I type and Just the random spilling of my thoughts. I apologise if I portrayed any wrong judgements or misguided impressions upon my readers who read my xanga, But really I wasn't and am not feeling emotional in any way.

Ok one last note, Thank you giana! I received your super duper looong letter in the mail yesterday which either mum or dad left on my table unopened untouched but waiting for me to peel open and read. Thanks babe, I appreciate it alot. It made alot of sense to me and yes, I luv you for you. Will make some time out now.

Thanks, I live in a cycle. The problem with me, is that I learn things the hard way. My life gets messed up and comes healing then messed up and healing, mess & healing. Its like as though I living in a cycle.

Even if I have to slug or crawl through another 10 or 40 years of my life? I will never say never. It's almost as though God forbid and I don't want to do this anymore but I will never give up on life, on me, & on G. The more I feel like giving up, the more I will push myself harder and that's how I've been living by every day & moment of my life because what dosen't kill you only makes you stronger.

As They say, "Once bitten twice shy," But I think for me it should be "twice bitten once shy."

Raining outside, it's time to meet Ryan Chew for Nasi Lemak now.